Finding The Song Within
There is a beloved girls summer camp that is nestled on Lake Summit in Tuxedo, NC, which played an important part in my life and the lives of hundreds of other young ladies who have been campers, counselors and staffers there. Camp Green Cove recently hosted its 75th Anniversary Alumni Reunion and nearly 100 former campers and counselors from multiple generations traveled from across the country to celebrate our youthful memories of camp.
I was nervous about attending this event because many of my childhood memories that were made there have been lost as a result of the traumatic brain injury I sustained 11 years ago. I am not even sure how many summers I spent there. I found out from old notes that I had been a camper, aide, Mountaineer Counselor, Tennis Counselor, Director of ACA (Around Camp Activities) and the Middler Linehead.
On one hand, I was eager and excited to reconnect with old friends and campers, and I couldn't wait to hear whatever stories folks could share that maybe involved me! On the other hand, I was afraid about possibly disappointing those who may recall our past relationship when I was unable to.
When I last attended Camp Green Cove, I was maybe twenty years old. I knew everyone attending the reunion would be facing the realities of aging too, but my new life also comes with a set of limitations caused by the brain injury. These include nuerofatigue (or getting easily tired out), feeling overwhelmed in crowds, and difficulty with multiple conversations happening at the same time all things to likely happen during a big reunion.
Camp starts its day at a very energetic morning assembly held in Middler Lodge filled with songs and laughter. I was aware this could be challenging for me and I requested a quiet space be made available for me to retreat to whenever I felt overstimulated. The Camp Director Nancy Bell was extremely accommodating.
This quiet space ended up being Pooh Corner, which is a small house with its own kitchen that sits near the waterfront and pretty far from most of the camp activity. Because of this, my Garmin tracked that I had covered 8.73 miles, which was a total of 19,397 steps on Saturday alone. This was by far the most steps I ever accomplished in one day! Although two other women shared the space, I slept in my own room which was surprisingly quiet. As it turned out one of the women had been a counselor when I was a camper.
Before the reunion started, I mentioned to an organizer that I have a daily meditation practice, which I would love to share it with anyone else who was interested. This activity was added to the schedule of events and I was happily surprised when about a dozen folks attended. I lead the experience in the morning using my Daily Calm Meditation app.
Shortly after arriving at camp, I was heading into Middler Lodge when I passed a small group of musicians who were warming up on their guitars. A former program director and my friend Susan King asked me if I brought mine? My guitar? I do own one, but I have not played it since the car crash. Several years into my recovery I took a guitar basics class in New York City, but my fingers no longer have their callouses or recall which strings to hold down and where.
Music played such a defining role in my pre-injury days. I grew up singing with Daddy, I also sang in the church choir, and my husband Rich recorded me harmonizing on one of his albums. While at the reunion, I began to realize Green Cove was where I had honed my craft! Singing in the morning assemblies and at campfire on the final evening turned out to be two of the highlights of this reunion for me. It happened while rocking in my Crazy Creek camp-chair on the floor of Middler Lodge. Suddenly I could hear melodies somewhere deep inside and then the old familiar harmonies unfolded effortlessly from my lips.
In a book that was written by Bill Ramsey about my recovery called Me Now-Who Next, I wrote three affirmation in the last chapter, one of them was "I will sing again." After experiencing a tracheotomy, the song voice that I once knew now sounds very different. I wrote in the book “The trauma of a tracheotomy has taken my singing voice temporarily. I guess it is a fair trade off to have a whole stabbed through my throat in order to breathe.“ The song that lay dormant within me for the past 11 years was revived while singing old Camp Green Cove tunes! These familiar songs included Angel from Montgomery and Paradise by John Prine, Closer To Fine by the Indigo Girls and Wonder Where I’m Bound by Tom Paxton just to name a few from the famous Green Cove 35-page songbook.
The reunion weekend was filled with so many faces, activities and laughter. To help me recall the wonderful memories made there, I created and shared an iPhone photos folder. 42 women sent me text messages with their cell phone numbers so that I could share the album with them. This iPhone Shared Photos folder now contains 3,164 photos and videos from the weekend's activities. This was also my sneaky trick to capture the contact information of former Green Cove girls so we can remain connected.
There are times in all of our lives when we will be faced with unfamiliar and unknown circumstances, but these do not need to stop us from living full lives. We may feel like retreating to the comfortable, but change is the only constant we can expect. This reunion weekend proved to me that with a little bit of planning and preparation even the most nerve-wracking tasks can lead to truly enjoyable experiences and be accomplished with grace.
Assembly in Middler Lodge