Planning the Unplannable
I am so freaking excited! We depart for Lake George bright and early tomorrow morning to celebrate the Fourth of July with my in-laws at their home. After spending a week fishing, swimming, eating, boating and more eating, we will return to my in-law's home in Lagrangeville, NY. This happens to be about 1 hour north of the rehabilitative center Helen Hayes Hospital where I spent 6 weeks as an inpatient recovering from the car crash that caused the TBI I live with today. What perfect timing that I received this writing prompt from the workshop group that I participate in for people with brain injury:
Sometimes we get so focused on what we have left to overcome, that we don't realize how far we have come. When we see how far we have come, we get to appreciate our resilience and we are inspired to continue. Return to the place you were injured and write about the experience.
The first time I visited the hospital was with my friend Bill Ramsey to conduct research and interviews for a book he titled Me Now – Who Next? The Inspiring Story of a Traumatic Brain Injury Recovery. It was in August, the year after I was released, so I was eager to see any familiar faces and wondered if they might remember me.
One of my favorite memories from that visit was stopping by the room where I recovered for 6 weeks. I remembered it was right across the hall from a lively nurse’s station and had a lovely view of the Hudson River from a small window in the corner. As I entered, I noticed there was a college student in the room, and I introduced myself to this patient and her mother. I congratulated her for being in the "lucky bed” and told them I myself was in it only one year before. I shared that I understood firsthand how difficult this time in their lives must have felt and promised the situation would improve if she worked hard at her therapies.
In 2015, the PR Administrator, Ms. Lisa Fielack, contacted me to participate in a Helen Hayes Hospital Patient Testimonial, which was filmed at my New York City apartment. I sent this video back to her as a reminder of who I was and to ask if I could plan a return visit as part of this writing assignment. I asked if July 7th would work, and she promised to check in with the therapy team to see what would be best for them.
After a bit of research and lots of bounced-back emails, I deduced that only one of the therapists who I worked with all those years ago was still on their staff, Tara DeRosa. I am still in touch with the Physical Therapist Tammy Goedken who taught me how to walk again, and although she no longer works there, we plan to meet for dinner the night before. Tammy helped me piece together Tara's potential new email address from the hospital's email formula, and viola... it worked!
I affectionately remember Tara as "Tough Love Tara", because she always pushed me to try harder. When we finally connected, I shard this memory and she responded, "It’s extraordinary how present you’ve stayed in your brain injury journey. You are a true inspiration and real-life miracle! Yes, I very affectionately pushed you hard LOL as I saw the loads of potential you had from day one. I’ll never forget that fire you exuded to all of us." Tara is working with the hospital to get her calendar cleared for our visit.
After we leave the hospital, my husband and I plan to return to the crash site at the New York State Thruway mile marker 0.2. There are so many overwhelming variables for planning a visit like this. I decided to contact the original Life Flight Crew and also invited my Prayer Partner, Rev. Britt Hall. I do not have 100% confirmation as to who can join us. The Paramedic Rob Kallen said he will try to meet us there, and if he can’t find childcare, he may have to bring his three kids. I am also not sure how we can get near this inaccessible stretch of treacherous highway; my husband is a real whiz with Google maps and was able to zoom in to the exact spot of where the photo was taken on the cover of the book, based on the shapes of the covered graffiti on the thruway's wall!
Working closely with my brain injury therapist, Dr. Will Hamilton helped me release concerns of overwhelm and anxiety about where I would meet folks, and what time? He introduced me to a concept from Lord of the Rings, "Wizard Time". Gandalf, the Wizard, explains that he is never early, or late, and whenever he arrives is right on time. “Wizard Time.” Phew! This allowed the event planner in me, with her complex timeline to take a deep breath and relax.
Today's Daily Word was perfectly written for me:
Let Go, Let God
I surrender the concerns of my heart and wait with positive expectancy.
It’s hard to be patient when I am eager for a resolution to a situation that is weighing heavily on my heart.
Even if I have surrendered my concerns in prayer, I may find it difficult to stop ruminating and thinking of ways to take action. Letting go and letting God may feel like giving up, but it is one of the most powerful things I can do. It’s my way of acknowledging there is a power and intelligence beyond my human efforts and that power and intelligence is in me.
I yield my worldly efforts and ruminations to this divine presence. I relax, and as I do, I open myself to solutions and opportunities I could not have conceived of with my mind alone.
I let go and let God and wait patiently for the perfect outcome in its time.
Well, I'd better stop writing so I can go pack for the trip. I will not have access to any Wi-Fi signals at Lake George, so this is as far as I can go with planning this little adventure. Thanks for letting me bring you to New York with me, I feel a bit less afraid because I know so many people are supporting me; my husband, Unity of The Blue Ridge Women's prayer circle, and y'all. Even if it is just us who are able to make it to the crash site in “Wizard Time”, I trust I will get to spend a moment with my late husband Rich while I listen to one of his songs and splash a bit of his favorite drink on the asphalt below.