Revisiting the Past

I climbed onto my acupuncturist's table yesterday and explained that I am "up-regulated", probably because I am very excited about whatever reunion plans are going to unfold next month.   I told her that I belong to a writer's group for people living with brain injury and we have been invited to return to the place where we were injured and write about the experience.

Those who are close to me already know that I was involved in a car crash on the New York State Thruway, somewhere between the old Yankees Stadium in the Bronx and my home in Putnam Valley, NY.  Logistically and physically, it will not be possible for me to return to the exact location at mile marker 0.2, where my late husband Rich and I were struck by an 18-wheeler.  Primarily because there is no public access to that specific spot.

There is a photo of the actual scene on the cover of a book written by Bill Ramsey about this crash, titled Me Now-Who Next? The Inspiring Story of a Traumatic Brain Injury Recovery.  There is an overpass in the distance of this six lane highway and there appears to be a very congested lane of traffic at the top of the high walls that line the Thruway.  I wasn't sure exactly where the crash occurred, but my personal injury attorney dusted off those 15 year old files to locate the exact mile marker.

My husband Augustus and I plan to travel to New York and celebrate the Fourth of July where we met, at his parent's home on Lake George.  He rented a car to drive us home and we have a day when I hope we will be able to visit the crash site for the first time.  Since I remember nothing about that night, I used Facebook Messenger to reach out to the Life Flight crew who saved my life while transporting me to Westchester Medical Center.  I heard back from the talented and retired pilot, Bill Palmer, he will not be able to meet.  Jena Canavan, Rob Kallen, and Ken Reardon were the paramedics and nurses on the flight, and it is my hope to have any one of them join us at the accident site to answer any questions I may have.  I am also eager to hear any memories they might like to share, as well as just catch up on our lives.  

I understand that this was only a moment in their lives and I am only one of many people they've rescued.  So I told my therapist that I would be perfectly satisfied if only my husband and I were able to complete this visit.  This therapist asked why I decided to return to the crash site and I confessed that a big motivating factor is that I would love to thank the Life Flight crew in person again.  Most lifesaving crews rarely learn about their patients' outcomes, or hear a successful followup about their skilled efforts.  Whether they have retired or moved on from this line of work, I want to express my gratitude again for saving my life.  They gave me a second chance to live more fully.

I'd also like to use this return trip to acknowledge what -- or rather WHO -- was lost.  Like a graveyard where one can leave flowers at a headstone, I would like to mark where my late husband's life ended.  I keep returning to the idea of "pouring one out for the homey" and spilling his favorite drink of vodka and cranberry on the road below in honor of him.  Choosing this as a way to memorialize Rich is something that nobody else will see, so it can remain a private moment between us.  This is as far as I can go right now, but I will update you after my New York adventure unfolds.  To be continued…